sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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