Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
