you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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