Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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