so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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