grandma shit on top of the toilet
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
