you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
