Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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