Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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