Don't make out with my wife yet
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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