The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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