I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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