just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
