I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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