theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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