They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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