Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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