Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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