Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
