btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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