Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
