he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
