I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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