So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
