You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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