Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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