She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
