the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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