If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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