So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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