Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
