The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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