Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
