They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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