He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
