Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have demons in me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
