why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
