you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
