At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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