That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
