I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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