So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
