Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
