I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I FOUND THE LEGS
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
