Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
