plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
