I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
