end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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