then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
