Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
