Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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