I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You need a sexual gate keeper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize