Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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