I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
