Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
