Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it's like iHOP with fire
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
