I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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