just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
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When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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