just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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