lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
