ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
