it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
