Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bring me that man meat
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
