No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
