i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
