Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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