i'm signing you up for texting rehab
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
