I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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