They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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