I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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