Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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