So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the room spins SO much faster in panama
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
