What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
