There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
