haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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