I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
