do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
