but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
