I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
