im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
