She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
