i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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